And you guessed it, immediately falls asleep! And she keeps swaying from side to side. Like she is in really deep sleep. She leans on me several times and I would be embarrassed to death if I were her. I mean, how can anyone be that sleepy to lose complete control of their bodies?

And the amazing thing? When she reaches her stop at Bishan, she can wake up immediately, wouldn’t someone who is in so such deep slumber not be able to wake up in a snap?

I can still remember so clearly the day she was born. I can still remember the fear I had when she suffered her first febrile convulsion at 9 months and again at 18 months.
I can still remember her cute big eyes when she said “Yes! Sure!” whenever I asked her something when she was around 3 years old
I can still remember the first trip I brought her to was Perth, and it was when she was about 3. It was a company incentive trip. Colleagues were worried that they were in for a noisy trip, they were worried about a crying toddler, but after the trip, everyone came to me and told me what a wonderfully well behaved child she was and how lucky I was.

I can feel so bad that I put her through my separation with her dad when she was in P2 and how she was so mature about it.

And now.. she is growing up so fast..

She has worked hard and practised hard for the exams today and tomorrow. I don’t want to stress her out, I want her to enjoy the whole learning process and her childhood as well.

I wish her all the best and will always love her no matter what happens.

It amazes me the way they gear themselves up when they see the train pulling up towards the platform ready to make a dash once the doors open. I assure you this kiasu syndrome is not limited to Singaporeans. I see a Filipino couple, several Indian nationals, Bangladeshis and of course the PRCs. They can win the Singaporeans by a mile. Why do you think we don’t do well for sporting events? Grabbing a seat in the train in itself is a mini sport of sorts!

Anyway.. As soon as these previously very alert people that were quick as lighting off the blocks to rush into the train manage to grab a seat something else miraculously happens. As soon as their butts touches the seats. All the adrenalin that was needed for that rush is immediately replaced by relaxing hormones and they can at the snap of my fingers fall into a restful slumber.

If that’s not good enough for you, they can snap out of that snooze and be bright as sunshine when they reach their destination.

Hmmm…. I could never do any of that.
I’m no train barracuda and can’t grab a seat if my life depended on it – no wonder I always lost at musical chairs during parties.

I can only sleep in my own comfy bed and never ever in public!

And I can never command my body to snap from alert to relax and back again in half an hour.

So while these people do disgust me to a certain extent, they amaze me as well.

They will not be in any particular order. Just some incidents that sometimes just come back and still manage to bring tears to my eyes.

*************
Have you ever wondered if everyone really has a soulmate? The dictionary defines it as “a person with whom one has a strong affinity” Actually this definition doesn’t make it sound like its such a serious thing.

Maybe its the movies, books and songs that have romanticised this idea of having a soulmate that causes some of us this pain. For those of you that have met yours then, good on you. But for the rest of us, do we settle for second or even third best or just do without.

And if we were wrong the first time round and thought we were right the second time and then got betrayed the second time.. would that make us jaded? Do we hope for thrid time lucky? Or should we accept that a 40 yr old single mom with an 11 yr tagging along will forever be just that – a statistic.

I admit I don’t know, there are days where I just want to curl up and cry. There are days where I think I deserve a third chance. Well, as long as I still wake up tomorrow, as long as I still live and breathe. I guess I still deserve that chance, don’t you?

So I’m really glad I discovered this app – yup I’m so slow / dumb / whatever to discover it so late. But discover it I did and I will try to update as much I can. I know how much blogging helped me the 3 years prior to my separation and I hope it will help me now again as I have to cross another hurdle in my life. Until next time. Thank you Mobile blogging!! Muakksss. xxxoooxx

I hate the F word and don’t use profanities or vulgarities but I’m really so stressed by her that I had to let that out.

I really don’t know what’s wrong, and I don’t know what I have done to deserve this. When she jolly well knows that she has alienated her only son by her temper and attitude and has pushed her other daughter to such a stage that she wants to keep a distance and live a separate life. She has only me left and yet she treats me like this.

I don’t know why she is eternally in a bad mood, I don’t know why I have to go home everyday and be faced with a black long face.

I don’t know why she has to treat Chels badly. She scolds and insults Chels and gives her the cold shoulder and curt and hurtful remarks and comments treatment

She pressurises Chels so much – my poor little girl is in P5, she has another at least 7 – 10 yrs more of education, why pressure her so much now. She increases the tuition lessons for Chels and every week, all I hear from her is “Tuition fee due, bring money back home tomorrow”

Last night and again this morning, I really feel like crying seeing the way she treats Chels. What has a little girl done to deserve that kind of treatment. It brings tears to my eyes that my girl is stuck with her in the day without me.

I wonder if she will break my girl’s spirit just as she has broken mine.

And yet throughout all this, I know that when my divorce is finalised and I have to plan for a new home, I will have to ensure that there is space for her in my home. I don’t mind being the one that has to take care of her. All I ask is some respect and space for Chels and I.

Just as she tells us, every Saturday is her mahjong day come hell or high water. But she does not give us the same space. We have to plan our schedules around her and make sure she is taken care of. Chels and I had to abandon our plans to go for prata so many times because she woke up before we left the house and asked us to order Macdonalds. We were not even given any choice.

All these I can take. What I dread now is going home each evening to face that black face. But I go home immediately after work for Chels. and I’m confined like a prisoner in my own home in my room so I don’t need to look at her face or get gruff answers to general questions.

She keeps insisting that she gets money from my sis and is willing to be treated in a cordial way from my sis. But she doesn’t think that although I don’t give her cash, she’s staying in the house that I’m paying for. I also pay for the PUB, management fee, car instalment and other miscellaneuous. She just doesn’t see that. She tells everyone that she’s helping me financially when in reality she does not help that much.

I’m sorry I need to vent, but I am being suffocated by her and her actions and attitude. My only hope is that she does not kill Chels’s spirit like she has killed mine. I’m now doing my best to make sure she feels all the love in the world from me.

What makes it special for me? My darling and her friends from Chinese Dance will be performing together with the other performing CCAs from her school. At first I thought that it afternoon, but just found out it will be on at 7pm this Saturday at Causeway Point.

This time round, she is again the one that gets to be lifted up in sequences that require that kind of move. She’s a little worried because the seniors (last year’s P6s) have all graduated and the current seniors are not as good. She fell or rather they did not hold her steadily enough a couple of times. But with last year’s experience of being carried – at least now she knows where to put her weight and break her fall.

I’m looking forward to watching her performance and suppporting her. I hope I can get close enough to the stage to get some good photos.

If I do, I’ll post them up soon. Bye for now.

I’m looking forward to that!! At least the evenings won’t be so hectic. Right now.. our lives just seem so rushed. Reaching home at 6.30pm or later, I rush through my dinner then shower and wash my hair. By the time that’s done, its almost 8pm. During this time, the evening can unfold to anything between watching TV uneventfully or helping Chels with her homework, printing stuff for her on our mega-slow printer, research on the net etc. From 9.00 – 9.30pm, we’ll sit on the bed and read some books and go through useful words and phrases she can use in her essay writing.  I used to make her sleep at 9.00pm, hoping she’d get 9hrs sleep, but now, with so much on our plates, her bed-time has been pushed to 10.00pm. I don’t mind that as she’s getting older and seems to need less sleep, although her eyes in the morning tell me otherwise. But I’m really thankful that Chels is like me, regardless of how sleepy we are, we jump right out of bed and head to the shower – and for that I’m proud of her.

With the 4 week break, I’m hoping to be more relaxed, no more nagging her to finish her homework and pack her bags, no more racing with time to get everything done and get her in bed by 10.00pm. Best of all, I’ll be taking a few days leave to spend with her and we’ll both get to sleep in a little later on those days.

Maybe it’s my fear that’s stopping me and of course lack of capital! Well in a word where money talks, you just have to be realistic.

Now once again, I’ve seen some really nice cute products and somewhat of a techie’s toy. My dad has bought some samples and I’ve started marketing them albeit a little hesitantly. I just know that if I keep my confidence level up and keep doing it and not give up.. it will come through.

I was really sad that I did not manage to sustain the support when I brought in the soap flowers 2 to 3 years ago. Sure i got a lot of orders from family, friends and colleagues during Teacher’s Day and Christmas. But I just could not keep enough stock for orders. And what makes it even more painful is seeing these same products being sold at push-carts all over the island when I was the first one to bring them in. You know I just want to kick myself.

This time I hope I can succeed and make these products a part of the retail scene here.

Here’s a little sneak preview of the Camera Pen and the Finger Skateboard

I’d like to start a pre-marketing programme where I will sell these items to you / your children at a HUGE discount and you / they can start showing these off to friends and passing out my name cards to those that want to order. There’ll be a promotion code in the name cards and if friends place an order, they’ll get to choose another set of finger skateboards for every 10 sets ordered absolutely FREE!

If you are interested  in joining this pre-marketing programme, drop me an email at emmychels@gmail.com. And even if there are no orders, you’ll at least have gotten the items at a huge discount on top of being the 1st ones to play with the items. This offer is for a limited number of participants only, so email me if you’re interested.

If you want these items for your pushcart, we have a special wholesale price for retailers. Email your enquiries to emmychels@gmail.com

Last night, another of mom’s sisters called to report some gossip. It seems like the “birthday girl” was still ranting to whoever wanted to listen that mom and our family was not giving her face. Even going to the extent of saying that I can let Chels skips school the next day.  If that was not bad enough, she even commented on what’s so great about it being the exam period, and that its not important for my P5 girl.

I have always thought of this aunt as the most unaffected of the lot. She stayed away from the usual gossips and was the one without the temper – or so I thought! Seems like the selfish streak and me me me mentality is prevalent after all. While I do not deny that I sometimes think of Chels, myself and my family too. But if I needed to hold any celebration it would always be done on a Saturday. I hardly do Sunday celebrations because I’ve always thought of Sunday as family day and a day to rest up for the work week ahead, unless Monday was a holiday.

I do not understand why people needed to have celebrations in the middle of the week and EXPECT people to “give them face” and attend their party.

Sigh… and I bet that when we want to leave at 9 plus that night – by the time we get home and wash up, it would be close to 11pm, don’t they have any pity for school going children? – there will be some big hoo-ha over why we are leaving so early.

Well I guess we can’t please them all. Just hope that mom won’t be affected by the gossip and make us stay till past 10. Then poor Chels will be so tired the next day – especially since she has a full day at school.